The Bridge | You and I
A Tale of Two Circles
Speaking of pals and close friends under Column 3: “Pal” or “Not Pal”, in the Sigalovada Sutta—an ancient Buddhist teaching—I learned a profound framework outlining the four types of true friends, and the four types on the other side.
To share this, I’ve crafted a story, but this time, allow me to grab some names from the air.
Emily’s Storm
In a brutal, back-to-back sequence of events, Emily goes through a painful divorce and gets laid off from her job. She is at her absolute lowest, stripped of her identity and stability. In the wake of this disaster, her social circle instantly fractures into two distinct groups: the shadows who drain her remaining energy, and the guardians who step into the storm with her.
The Four Shadows
First come the fair-weather friends.
Taker, who used to call Emily constantly whenever they needed to borrow things for free, completely disappears. There is no profit left to squeeze out of Emily, so they stop calling.
Empty vanishes without a trace the moment they hear about Emily’s situation. Not long ago, whenever Empty came by Emily’s home, they talked endlessly, making massive promises about how they would help Emily achieve financial freedom, get an ideal job in a week, or introduce her to the perfect man if she weren't married.
Flatter always agrees with Emily on every single thing, small or big, bad or good. Even when Emily is frustrated and spending her days and nights trapped in gaming and alcohol, Flatter says, “You’re smart, and you’ve gone through a lot. Now you deserve to do whatever you want.” Yet, when talking to others, Flatter doesn’t even hide their joy regarding Emily's situation, furiously criticizing her lifestyle behind her back.
Riot makes themselves "helpful," but in a deeply destructive manner. Riot becomes Emily's companion in partying, drinking, and gambling, telling her, “You worked too hard, but now you've lost everything. There is no point in working hard. Everything has its own way and will be taken care of in time.” Riot leads Emily straight down a path of ruin.
The Four Guardians
But as the shadows lengthen, true friends step forward to form a protective wall.
Alex doesn't wait to be asked. She immediately steps in to protect Emily, checking on her daily, offering her a place to stay. Alex’s entire focus is keeping Emily comforted while physically guarding her from making vulnerable, costly mistakes.
Etana would never abandon Emily. Etana is always there through small and big problems alike—whether it is a car breaking down or a major conflict at work or within the family. She knows Emily’s secrets and trusts Emily with her own. Even after Emily has a bad day and wrongly takes her frustration out on Etana, or misunderstands her, Etana remains exactly the same to Emily.
Guru brings the quiet weight of wisdom. Guru does not talk to Emily every day, but she touches base at the exact moments Emily needs perspective. She offers practical, tactical guardrails to steer Emily away from unhealthy clubs, gaming, and alcohol, pulling her along to the gym, yoga, and meditation to restore her depleted physical energy. While providing practical direction, Guru reminds Emily that this suffering is temporary, and she doesn't have to figure out the rest of her life today. Bad things have already happened, and she doesn't need to punish herself for them—this is the moment to bring her internal strength and pull herself back up.
Ruth shuts it down instantly when Flatter tries to speak ill of Emily, reminding Flatter of Emily’s past achievements and employee awards. Ruth had supported Emily's goals by sharing professional development seminars. Ruth genuinely celebrates Emily's successes, and when Emily is down, uses golden memories of who she really is to restore her shattered confidence.
Life is sweet when we have friends like Ruth, Guru, Etana, or Alex. How can we become that anchor for others? Meaningful bonds require conscious effort, starting with investing our energy into people who value growth.
We don't have to wait to be asked. When we cultivate inner peace, our mere presence can shield someone who is overwhelmed. We can steer friends away from harmful habits, guard their secrets, show integrity, and celebrate their wins without jealousy.